2006/03/29
*Note*
This is a HIGHLY POLITICAL post. All innocents please evacuate now. View at your own risk.
Party At Pools, seriously can't you use some better tatics to win this GE? (General Elections). All of a sudden I see all kinds of road repairs happening. Cables that are lying underground for like 20 years are suddenly dug up to have maintance. *Cables.. You can see them everywhere. In different regions of the country, such as the Northern Region near a certain vegetable wholesale centre* Even the dammed bridge our neighbourhood has been asking for for the past 15 years are suddenly being built at an alarmingly fast pace. *This certain dammed bridge is built somewhere near a certain Toyota showroom and repair center in the Mid region of Singapore* Please, if you want to show us that you are doing your job, at least goddammit, be consitient. Do not like happy happy because Election Year then have this nice Budget for the PEOPLE, only to take whatever that you have given out within 6 months of your re-election through sudden surges in taxes, GST or in whatever way to take back and get even more out of the citizens.
The sudden deployment of the big generals to areas that the opposition have been holding out is shocking. The dammed elevator upgrades that that area has been demanding for is now suddenly very real and available to the residents, as a certain someone said that 96% of them are *qualified* for the programme. Notice it is qualified, not GUARNTEED. Its sending a dammed obvious message to the people in that zone. Pick the Party At Pools and get upgrades, or you can just stick around being the same. *This certain zone is located where a famous JC is and was also the stage for the *truck block my signpost incident*
Is it not possible for the people to have a more fair political playground, that parties do not have to resort to TRICKS to win the dammed thing? A certain family in question now should actually take a backstep and relinquish their control over Singapore. Here's a clue. They bought a certain telecomms company in Thailand, resulting in the chaos there now. 2 members of the family hold the MOST important post in the government now. The so called power figure of our fine nation, the one with the *ultimate* power is their lapdog. A certain brave soul stood up to them, and when he died, his body was chucked away without a proper cermony.
These are views made by a certain spectator of the political arena in Singapore, and has come to this conclusion. All views here are personally and is not directed at any individual.
P.S. This certain family also owns a certain company that generates hundreds of millions of dollars yearly. People contribute to this company weekly or monthly, depending in their ways of contribution. The name of this company is stated balantaly in the post.
recorded on 3/29/2006 08:00:00 PM
2006/03/27
I tried my best,
I gave it my all.
Yet, I am still mistaken.
Yet, I am still discriminated.
Yet, I am still unwelcomed.
I have not given up hope.
Trying to merge into a cliche of people is hard. I mean you do not know what they like, what they think they should get from you. I mean, come on, I'm still the average kid that needs friends. I'm not exactly a guai person and still have a few wild mood swings.
Haix!
So much projects so little time. The new Econs teacher is bordering on my nerves. She doesn't even seem sure about what she is trying to teach us...
Life is SO stressed.
PI not written
Humanities Week unprepared.
Lit. Noticeboard.
So many overdue, or due stuff..
Strangely, I enjoy a little bit of pressure here and then to keep in running on the long path of life. Speaking of which Wednesday is X-Country.. Yay... 3 Continuous Days of PE. Great.. Just Great...
recorded on 3/27/2006 07:46:00 PM
2006/03/25
Guess that with different Lit. topics people think differently.. XD
We are doing imagining other worlds, while others are doing different things. (i.e. Identity)
A human can never be contented with what he has now. If not, he will become complacent and slack down, but yet at the same time, if he is never contented, he will keep demanding and demanding for perfect results, which we all know is impossible. To achieve perfect, there must be control, and whenever there is control, there is unhappiness. This, probably is the end of the perfect state that was best on paper, zlich in reality, that is Communism.
We are all selfish. No one can deny that. No one is saint enough to be at any point of his life, not be selfish in any way possible. We all think that no one can exercise control over our lives, but yet at the same time, we want to have a perfect world. Such werid creatures we are. A perfect world. No people in the wrong jobs at the wrong place. Has anyone thought about the amount of control that have to be in place for such a thing to happen?
A system would have to be present at your birth. You will be graded like goods. A Graders go on to be bosses and leaders. B Graders be managers and so on and so forth. You will be then brainwashed that other people in other grades are much superior than you. You will forget how to resist. You will lose your ability to think. You will become a robot, living out lives that are determinded by your genes, not your ownself.
So much for a perfect world.
recorded on 3/25/2006 07:39:00 AM
2006/03/23
My parents was talking about another trip to Fraser Hill this coming holiday(June). Its a long time away, and way way too early to plan for a holiday and such but, its a nice thought, and a goal that can be aimed at.
I caught myself remembering about how many millions of stars I could see up there, the nice quiet silence of the mountains, where you can actually feel that things really slow down a few notches and stuff. Its not too cold there and stuff and its like a little piece of paradise that no one has gone there before. Most people now hunker down to Cameron Highlands and the infamous Genting, and these places are like so noisy that it doesn't really feel much different from a city.
I would describe Fraser Hill to be like a place that jumped out of a 18-19th Century typical English countryside. You see really antique houses made of stone and later reinforced by cement and stuff there. No one is in a hurry to get to anywhere and they have these gorgeous huge houses/bungalows that you can rent and stay. Huge and quiet really. Like one house is like at least 2km away from the next one. There is inhouse houskeepers to keep things in check and stuff. The newspapers do not come in till noon, so its like really,you are cut of from the world and you can relax.
When I gaze at the stars above, it makes me feel small and insignificant. Hundreds, thousands of them blinking at you merrily, you gaze up and you have this deep longing inside, and wonder could any of the stars in their galaxies have intelligent lifeform and that could they also be looking at stars at the same moment. It kinda just overwhelms you. You take in a deep breath of mountain air, fresh, could smell the dew, and you sit back, and think. Why do we exist?
My answer to that question was a very very *chim* one. I told myself it was for love. I convinced myself somewhere out there, is my partner. However, when I left that place, the reality sinks in, and I looked at myself, and told myself I must be kiddin' myself. Who could ever like a person that looks fat and ugly? A friend of mine once said it did not matter how you looked, but how you are inside. But if you look like shit, how can people even get to know you and discover your inner self?
This is a totally random post i made, cause i am really really bummed out about something...
recorded on 3/23/2006 09:48:00 PM
2006/03/21
Lights,
Camera,
Action..
We awake,
We doll up ourselves
To make ourselves presentable to the audience.
We live a lie, a lie that is impossible to remove.
We hate ourselves for being fake,
Prentious at times,
Untrue to our heart.
We wish to be set free....
Chained, we are to
Society,
Culture,
Media.
At the end of the show,
We remove our makeup,
It is only then do we release our agony,
Pain....
We then look into the mirror,
Trying to recongize who we are.
But it is only then, do we realize,
We are unrecongnizable....
Our true self,
In acting out our roles,
Have degenerated,
Till nothing is left....
We are so restricted to the goody format of how to carry out your life. Parents and teachers alike dismiss what we think for youthful ignorance, and tells us what is the best path for our paths. Study study study. All that it matters are grades grades grades. We can only be young once. Let us have the wilfulness for once. We do not get the chance to do so again. Maybe, that;'s why we say comformity, kills off creativity. People literally get brainwashed since young, and in the end, end up like living robots. They move eat, sleep like us, but in essence, they are no better than the zombies. We maybe viewed as the rebels, the people who do not follow the trend, who break the shell, but we are only human... We think, and feel. Perhaps that's one of the charateristics of being a Lit student? Kinda of like we see and feel the world in a much different light? I dunno...
BTW, this post, is dedicated to Rohanna =)
Shakespeare best puts this in the quote below.
- A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain. - William Shakespeare
Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)
recorded on 3/21/2006 08:10:00 PM
2006/03/20
You are not me.
You do not know what I want.
You do not go around making my decisions.
You are not God.
No one likes people messing in their affairs, and I'll say that the same applies to me. This is directed at a certain decision made in class today, and I do not exactly feel happy or anything like that. One should not assume the role of *matchmaker*, and purposely sabotage people. I think that it is really inconciderate to the person being sabotaged, and the other bystander that was involved in the firing session.
I do not care if it s a joke or a prank, I do not really give a damm. If there is any one thing that you should not mess with, its with people's emotions. We can live and think for ourselves, we do not need to become what others want us to be. Maybe its a misinterperation on my part, but hell, these are one of the things you should NEVER EVER dabble in.
Ok, so much for rage..
Its kinda back to the normal everyday life now, acting really tires me out, I've worn my mask, and trying to fit into the world...
recorded on 3/20/2006 11:14:00 AM
2006/03/18
The last stand taken,
The final word said,
They board the ship,
To leave.
Standing at the shore,
Trying to hold back the tears,
Trying to convince myself,
That they will come back...
They are gone, forever.
Though we exist in the same dimension,
We can only see one another, in the dreams.
Occasionally, we sit together and talk,
But ultimately, we are seperated.
The age of the old has gone,
And now, it is the dominent of new.
Everything restarts, rewounds,
However, the memories, the laughter,
The people,
Will be different.....
It is hard to let go. We all know that. But that, is life. One must be able to give and take. There is no eternity in reality, only in dreams do we experience the eternal.
Advice to some people ( should they ever read this that is.)
Julin
The mask is donned on by your choice, no one can force a person to wear a mask that is not one's true self. Take off the mask, and show the world who you really are. Hiding behind the mask, you will probably regret it, when you think back, of all the time wasted on being who you not are.
Rohanna
I think and HOPE I am still sane. I have these incredible mood swings that it sometimes drives me up the wall, and a song would be cool, like we write the lyrics and compose the tune and sing together as one, that'll be fun =) And sometimes I don't even know if I am acting or not. Trying to process everything all at once is just too hard. Thoughts come flying at me that I have like 2-3 views chasing one another at anyone time, and more adding as I think along..
I have showed the world who I really am down inside, to accept me or not, is your choice. I have done enough acting, I am sick and tired of it. I have taken off my mask, will you?
- Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.
- Mark Twain, Mark Twain In Eruption
US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)
recorded on 3/18/2006 07:27:00 PM
2006/03/17
We squeeze the trigger everyday,
Sometime it hits,
Sometime it misses.
Whatever the outcome,
Its bound to alert someone.
It sometime hurts,
Sometime kills.
Should it miss,
It just leaves a deep wound.
A cool quicksilver barrel,
This gun's name is,
Emotions....
We often let our emotions get the better of us. Sometimes, unwillingly we hurt someone that we hld dear/close to us. When we realize it, the person we know is dead, shot dead by the bullet from our emotions. One also faces alot of these incoming bullets. If or not can one dodge the bullet is one thing, but whatever the case is, there is always the presence of a scar, created by these bullets. At the end of our life, we come out of this battlefield, scarred and zombified. The constant ressuraction of the body is painful, we have barely picked ourselves out of one gloom, to fall straight into another..
recorded on 3/17/2006 10:48:00 AM
2006/03/16
I shall retreat back into my shell.
I shall care less about what's going on around the world,
Much less around me.
Its better that way I guess,
I'll go back to the icy coffin,
And seal myself up for eternity.
To heal my broken soul..
Never knew too much knowledge could harm people.. Guess, I'll just go back into the nice shell I am used to. Once bitten, twice shy. I'll keep my silence from now on, and leave you guys be.
recorded on 3/16/2006 07:04:00 AM
2006/03/15
I wonder who I am,
I wonder if I know myself.
I wonder if this is me I'm looking in the mirror.
I wonder if I'll be me if I change myself.
I tried changing myself,
I put parts and pieces of what I want to be,
Into the *new* me.
But when I look into the mirror,
I see not who I want to be,
But only a wannabe, a clown,
Who is not who I am.
Torn into pieces,
I try to restore myself.
Only then did I realize,
That I was fooling no one,
But myself.
I used to wonder about how people looked at me,
I used to wonder how they think about me.
I used to wonder if I looked good.
I am who I am.
I hope to take myself for what I am...
- A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
- Mark Twain
US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)
I hope, I, one day, can be comfortable XD
recorded on 3/15/2006 07:55:00 PM
2006/03/13
The League somehow touches a nerve in me that I'll share in this post...
All of us have a Dr Jekyl and Mr. Hyde inside us. Its only if we control the inner demon, and choose to only unleash it for only when the situation requries. mr. Hyde is not evil by nature, but because it only comes out when one is emotionally unstable, it tends to do irrational things. Dr. Jekyl, is the face of respectability we all put on everyday when we go out to face society. WE appear presentable, and try to keep the beast inside under control. But, should anyone be able to control our own Hydes properly, and put the sudden output of emotional strength to good use, one can achieve great things.
Allan Quatermain. A legendary hunter known for his incredible skills in hunting and survival. Many people aspire to do something great, and be reconginized, but however, in their pursuit for the so called 'greatness', they tend to forget about their close ones, family and friends alike. But at the end of the day, when they look back and see their journey to greatness, they see a path of destruction, caused by themselves, just to accomplish what they thought was right. These people had sacrificed their own happiness, for what they thought was something, but was, nothing in the end. However, in expectional cases, sometimes, it can be said that the sacrifice is much less, when compared to the whole picture.... ( Quatermain, gave his life and soul to the work of Africa's development, primarily in showing that they ought to me treated like equals, hence the quote from the movie 'Africa will not let me die.. Quatermain' ) That, is the most important point that one has to weight up in making any decision.
Dorain Grey. The most accurate showing of human nature. We are all afraid to lose what we hold dear to ourselves, and wish to be immortal. Wish to be this wish to be that. At the end of the day, only when we realize that all our wilful wishing and doing of things, has made our face unreconginzable by ourselves.. In our pursuit for worldly desires, one, may have forgotten about the much important human soul, the moralitiy that seperates us from the beasts, the spirit that resides in us. Its only then when the human soul is so tainited, and befouled by our acts, then do we not dare look bad at the sins we have commited, for we have not the courage to face with reality and any manner to help correct the sins committed is useless. They leave this world in constant pain and agony, reminded by their inhumane acts.
Skinner ( Invisible Man ). People always percieve one's history, and the person is marked like that for life. Gives me 2 point of view. Skinner was a criminal, but people still percieve him by his criminal life. Yet, at the same time, this group of *criminals* are often ignored, and treated as invisble by the general public. However, when it is time for them to do something right, they are the ones that probably provide the most crucial data to the *good*, as because they have a network of workings.
Captain Nemo. A man who worships death is not evil. On the contrary, he respects death for what it is , as something everyone will have to face someday. To achieve greatness, as Nemo showed, one might have to take some routes that are somehow more undesirable than the others. One must learn to be flexible, to think past the common block, try more unorthodox routes if need be, to become what they want to be. Strength, in the human mind, is stronger than any form.
Ultimately,destiny is something that one has to live out life to discover. Many people, in desperation to make their dreams into reality, commited hidious crimes. to them, they are only doing wahtever it takes to achieve their dreams. People live becasue they have dreams.. But some dreams can only be dreamt of, but cannot be realized.
There is never a clear line between black and white, only the omnipresecene of the grey zone...
recorded on 3/13/2006 11:04:00 AM
2006/03/11
Sometimes, it feels werid to look at myself in the mirror...
Is that who I really am?
Feels werid.. Wrong even.. What is my identity? Who am I truly am?
I pondered over this question 2 years ago,and till now, I still cannot really put my finger over it...
Times like this, I'll imagine that there was an alternate reality, and another me was living in it, leading a totally different life, but when we both look at the mirror, we see one another..
Quite silly of me, a boy, to think like this, but what the heck....
For those people that still remember watching a Jet Li movie titled 'The One' a few years back, I sometimes do feel like this. It's like I can suddenly be nice and all, and the next moment, I can be really rowdy, with a very shitty attitude.. Some days I feel kinda moody, other days not.. Sometimes I can see what others cannot....
What is inside the human soul? Can it have like different sectors, with different views, thinkings even...
Everytime I blog, I go into this all reflective mode and such, kinda dreary feeling that overcomes me. Next morning, I'll probably feel just fine.. I dunno..
The elections are coming, and PAP, once again, is up to its dirty tricks..
I mean purposely saving the oppositions' constutiency HDB housing blocks upgrading to the last of the list is just pure sabotage by the government...
Its sending the message.. Want upgrades, then make us to be in power...
Man this just stinks of bureacratic tricks...
Be a MAN, PAP CONTEST FAIRLY!!!
Went to the Suntec City Computer Fair... FLOODED with people. Listened to some very indept economics explaination by my father,which later, totally made sense LOL..
A roadshow is to gain market share =P
recorded on 3/11/2006 10:03:00 AM
2006/03/09
CJC is cursed!
At least for me and Shuduan it is...
I lost my wallet on the way to CJC .. 2nd time in 3 months... Wakao man.. So SIAN... Board the bus with wallet, then go off without wallet.. ma de.. have to remake ez-link... VERI EX LOR.. And some more don't know need to take new photos or not.. Dammit...
Back when I was in Secondary 4, heard all kinds of werid werid stuff about CJ.. Say some girl got preganant and boyfriend don't want her anymore.. She cursed her b/f and the school then commit sucidie in one of the girls toilet la.. Dammit, must be because of unclean stuff there..
So stress.. Got talk about PW and stuff make me feel so stress.. Then left LT with a heavy heart...
My parents said that the wallet will never come back. People nowadays just do not give a damm about others' belongings. They pickup someone else's wallet, use all the cash in Ez-Link and take the money, then throw the wallet away. If got IC better, go borrow $$ from loansharks..This becomes a sad vicious cycle. People lose their stuff, get this kind of SHIT treatment, then next time they pickup someone else's stuff, they do that to the person, and it goes on and on.. Can't we rely on the innate kindness in the human soul? Can't WE? A good deed will in the end pass back to you, but a evil one, will just bring pain and misery to the people it goes on to. Have people become so materialistic that they cannot do something that is morally right, but maybe, will be denying themselves of a material benefit?
They say that the enviroment that a person is brought up in plays an important part in his life. A kid who watches his peers/brothers kill and rob becomes a drug kingpin. Similarly, a kid with parents that tell them to take a missplaced wallet and use it to their delight, will inevidentally bring along social decay.
Yet, I still bear the hope that some people, are good-natured, and are kind inside, to pick up something and return it to the owner. Reader Digest once conducted a test on Asians 10 yrs ago, and it showed about a 70% return of the owner's items to the owner. However, I think that if the test was carried today, 0% will return.. Sigh.. I hope, someday I can get to prove, there IS still warmth in today...
- It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
US poet (1892 - 1950)
recorded on 3/09/2006 08:28:00 PM
2006/03/08
I think I am starting to have visions of my future. I somehow predicted a appearance of my tormentor 2 days ago. Today, I finally confirmed her existance..
A hundred times, a thousand times, I prayed, I hoped that it does not exist.. But still when the harsh cruelty of fate comes crashing down on me, I feel the pain...
I have never whole-heartedly believed in the beings that reside above, but now, I pray, with all my heart, that this monster will not be posted into my class.
Do not taint the name of the good you demon,
For no good it will do to you.
Begone,
To the fiery penisula of Hell,
And you best be left to rot...
Heores from the realms,
Come to my aid,
in banishing this monster back to the arms of Devil!
I thus, send my message,
To all who reads,
Its a message of holiness, of faith,
and monster!
THOU SHALT DIE!!
recorded on 3/08/2006 01:58:00 PM
2006/03/07
There are times that I feel that I am splitting up.
There are 2 personalites, maybe more clashing inside me.
Some time one takes control, the other lays dormant.
Other times, its like they are fighting over control.
One of these days, I swear that I will kanna some pyschological problems.
The double-sided man.
I am afraid I might become like him some day.
Same body, different thinkings.
Human by day, Demon by night..
Its a really scary thought...
Better stop thinking about all this stuff before I split up..
The school are run by a buncha people without common sense. Can't they know that its hard for us to mix with new people and pretend to do everything for the 1st time? Can't they know that it brings back memories, some painful to the some of us? Forcing us to bond like that with the new J1s are NOT the right way to go. Give us some time, for the scars to heal, then maybe we will be able to accept a new friendship....
Saw a buncha people appealing successfully back.. Amanda(small), Joy, Cheryl, Fiona and WeiJean...
Still missing Damien, Yu'an, Natria, Edmund Chan and Rohanna...
Come back please! =P
- In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 - 1968)
recorded on 3/07/2006 08:29:00 PM
2006/03/06
4 years I have endured,
Your nonsense, your bullshit and everything that is wrong about you.
I thought I could be freed, a world without your presence, but no.
You MUST follow me, to torment me, to break me..
Just what the hell is wrong with you. Can't you leave me be?! Go away. I do not need your presence to further amplifiy my pain. Son of Devil, LEAVE ME BE!
Just when I thought my life was getting better,
Just when I thought I could actually have a future,
You have come to shatter all my hopes...
I'm sick, and tired.
This ridiculous game that you play.
Go away, just go away!
My soul is strained.
Torn between the 2 extremes.
I wish to be balanced,
To be a normal person.
Why can't you just leave me BE!
Not much need for a elaboration of what I am feeling now.
He turns up at every corner, like a relentless ghost. My life, has sunk back to a living hell. The heaven that I tasted shortly in the 1st 3 months, I will remember it... Thanks you once again, my friends, for making it happen.
He has done a grievious hurt to me back then. I have never since forgiven him. Why can't scumbags like him get struck down by lightning? Why?
recorded on 3/06/2006 04:53:00 PM
2006/03/03
The Show
We all try to act nonchanlant, but deep inside we care.
The show must go on.
For life is one, but a great tragedy.
Heartache, is felt by all,
But only in their dreams.
In the waking hour, where all starts to set in,
We cry.
Tears, a neverending rain.
Cry, for not we are weak,
But, because we are human.
The days have comed to an end.
But what matters, is that the spirit,
The soul,
Lives on..
Defrosted
Do not grieve, do not cry.
The memories are yours to keep.
To save them or not its your choice.
You have opened up my icy cask,
With your everlasting heat.
The laughter, joy, we spent,
Has melted me.
Yet, as the seperation happens,
I once more feel cold,
The heart begins to freeze.
And I await..
Once more...
I feel kinda werid. A side of me that I have not seen for the past 2 years. My friends, I really thank you, for the wonderful time, for all and all the things you have done. Seperation is never easy. No one ever said it was. But it is something we have to face. We have the same blood running in our veins.... It takes alot to feel, and a lot more to express what you feel. Insignificant I may be, you guys have made my life colourful again. Tears...
recorded on 3/03/2006 11:31:00 PM
2006/03/01
Tomorrow will be the last time that we will be having PE and almost all the classes for one final time.
This 1st 3 months have made me felt more alive than my past 2 years. I really enjoy the company of people, who dare to say and dare to hate. I have yet to feel so happy since Secondary 3. The thought of the class seperating by tomorrow pains me. I feel kinda werid, incomplete. This feeling, I do not know. The cask that has frozen me for the past 2 years, may well be melted..
I dunno. New friends can be made and such, but I have reserved a special spot in my heart, that the Jan-March of 0641B will reside forever. It is a bit abnormal for me to be even typing out this.. But I just feel incomplete now.. Am I weak?? Or is it human?
Balance will be achieved some day.. But for now.. I dunno..
- Sometimes the measure of friendship isn't your ability to not harm but your capacity to forgive the things done to you and ask forgiveness for your own mistakes.
- Randy K. Milholland
With this quote, I ask for any wrongdoings I may have done to you guys, and wish you in peace..
Sadahayo 0641B
recorded on 3/01/2006 09:33:00 PM
