It's been getting later and later for me to update my blog. Like a good friend of mine once said ; the subtle irony in it all is the more you want to blog, the less time you had to blog.
There are just too many things to write about. So many feelings coming in at once.
It's at times like these when I wish I had a PDA phone or a laptop. I'll make blogging on the go much faster.
Maybe what I need is a good ole' fashioned diary. Maybe.
Inspiration rarely comes. So I force it at times.
Here's one for the record of the last day of January.
Fatigue
It's been awhile. This life that I lead. Drains me of will, Takes away my time.
Murphy made the law. And as far as it goes, much has come true. The last day of January, Spent in rest. Waiting for the next day to come.
The new month brings precious little joys. Trying to appreciate it takes much energy. You wondered what you've lost at times.
A little freedom. Hard to find, difficult to get.
-ashhao
recorded on 1/31/2008 09:38:00 PM
2008/01/27
Linkin Park - Leave out All the Rest
I dreamed I was missing You were so scared But no one would listen Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming I woke with this fear What am I leaving When I'm done here
So if you're asking me I want you to know
[Chorus] When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest [End Chorus]
Don't be afraid I've taken my beating I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface Not all the way through I've never been perfect But neither have you
So if you're asking me I want you to know
When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest [End Chorus]
Forgetting All the hurt inside You've learned to hide so well
Pretending Someone else can come and save me from myself I can't be who you are
[Chorus] When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest
Forgetting All the hurt inside You've learned to hide so well
Pretending Someone else can come and save me from myself I can't be who you are I can't be who you are
recorded on 1/27/2008 05:19:00 PM
2008/01/19
It's been exactly ten days since I blogged.
How's life been?
Time passes no matter we want it to pass or not. It's been fun, cool and filled with plenty of reflections. Certain events that struck me particularly through this ten day stretch has been a plenty.
Let's start with the first one.
Promise you'll finish everything?
I'll try, no promises here. Significant event 1, an invitation was given by my cousin to go and shoot the HCI orientation. That was a heck of a lot of experiences that I ought to have blogged but failed due to the incredibly hectic schedule I've been having.
It was in many ways, a first time for me for much of the things. Technical stuff like the using of a PRO body, the 1dsmkII, the 1dmkII, the 300mm f/2.8, was a wonderful learning experience for me. Photography is still one of my key hobbies, but I've been so tired that I can't keep a keen eye out for shots like the past. Moreover, the usage of a pro body intensified the need for me to upgrade. Heh.
Technical rambling aside, I was touched immensely by the HCI spirit. Truly, one has to be in a school to know why they are just that darned good.
I've not dared to attempt intellectual jokes in quite some time, but it is indeed heartening to see people actually understanding them. Well, for most of it anyway. There's an inexplicable of togetherness that sort of surrounds the school. It creates a certain impermeable bubble that sort of separates reality from the learning environment itself. It's a feeling of awe that rarely comes to me nowadays.
Of course, there is always the intense spirit of competitiveness in the school itself, but for an outsider, to me touched simply through the Orientation itself, the spirit was indeed, an enlightening experience.
It is with a rather sad note that I end this part of my post. 2 of our fine Economics teachers got transferred to HCI. I spotted Mr. How and Mr. Foo drinking coffee with their new colleagues at the HCI canteen on the first day I was there.
Its the loss of Innova Junior College to lose such dedicated teachers. In a way, perhaps it was fated that these 2 exceptional teachers were called to teach students of a higher standard.
What's next?
I started my job as an airport guide. Personally, I'll like to think of the name as a guise for a job that is pretty much .... Our bright orange Polo-T made us stick out, and our jobs are basically to guide lost passengers to the correct terminals. Frequent flyers of SQ was hardly amused by our job scope, and there were cases of unhappy customers being pissed off by our constant attempts to ask them the standard questions.
Well, the rude people actually consisted of 5% of the demographic, which is a thankful thing as it reduces the discomforts of the job.
It is also where I understood the full extent of politics in a workplace. Rumors were spread all over the place. Upsetting incidents happening to some of our colleagues were spread around. The full glory of the decay of social values is shocking. One of the more prominent examples is the fact that one of the co-workers broke into tears when a drunken customer approached her and got too close. It started like wildfire, and by the next day, all 4 shifts knew about the incident.
The working condition is debatable at best. Some may consider standing for 6 hours without a break to be a torture, while others may find it ok. In fact, as I type this, one of the more hardy colleague is nearly finishing his 12-hr shift of 12pm-12am. There are certain gray clouds surrounding certain actions by the employment agency themselves, but working at the airport has its perks.
For one, I get a 10% staff discount at most stores, and gain access to the transit area, a place clouded with much mystery.
On a more philosophical angle, the airport truly resembles a microscopic vision of a society. The hierarchy in it is just incredible.
At the bottom of it all, are the over 50 people working inside. They are the trolley collectors, and get paid a pittance for the work they do. The pay for 8 hours? - $20+ dollars. But I think they get more off-days then us.
Then its us. Airport guides. 6-7 per hour, everyday of the week, 6 hour shifts.
Then the customer service officers, some whom work 3 12hr shift and have 3 days off, and those who work 4 8 hr shifts and have 2 days off.
It goes on and on.
The sanctity of human worth, and even self-worth can be examined at this level. Everyone working in the airport is a singular human being, with approximately same lifespans, but at different stages of your life, you get paid differently and treated differently.
It exposes the worst of the meritocratic society, where results, and a certificate is everything.
Then there is the problem of racism by our government levels on passengers. Bangladeshi, Pakistans, and even the Middle East passport holders are not allowed to go on a free Singapore tour that is offered to all transit passengers with 5+ hours in transit, based on a simple security reason.
The counter-arguments against this kind of treatment has been discussed till the point of exhaustion. If anyone wanted to create damage in Singapore, they do not need to come from these countries to do it. 911 was committed by Americans from Middle Eastern descent. It also goes against the UN doctrine that every human being should be treated as an equal.
And when people from these countries get rich/powerful, they will remember the injustice done to them, and who knows what they could then do. Remember the story of the boy throwing peanuts at the elephant, and 10 years later when the boy returns as a man to the zoo, the elephant returns the favor?
Do not what others would do to you to them.
I also feel sad in a way that I'm not multilingual, and can't communicate with them well. They are in a foreign land, with no kin or friend nor money. And they can't even enjoy something that is free to others.
These groups of Bangaldeshis would then sit around in the transit area, waiting for their next connecting flight which could be 12 hours away.
With no money to use, and time to burn, they can only sleep.
we've thought that we had evolved into a more civilized society. but our actions say much more than useless words printed on pages.
-ashhao
recorded on 1/19/2008 08:29:00 PM
2008/01/09
its common knowledge that nothing can be definite. ideals, morals, working efficiency. nothing good can come from being extreme.
the good people of this world, may i remind you that there is yet something else to fear. nothing functions at the extremes, the same can be said for the indeterminable gray area that covers the middle.
stuck in limbo forever, no depriciation, no progress.
can't no one see what is happening here? are we blind, submissive to the forces of economic prowress. so afraid of losing the material, that we've lost our souls in the process.
there ain't no future. not even for the believers. cause when the judgement comes, no one can be spared. for the things they could have done, but turned a blind eye to.
a fairy tale ending to our story? didn't they tell you? fairy tales are not as we think they are.
-ashhao
recorded on 1/09/2008 09:38:00 PM
2008/01/03
Post 200, 2008, 3rd Jan 2008.
It's kinda late to post Happy New Year in one's blog, but I'll do it anyway. This New Year's Eve was something different from the past. The very first time I spent it elsewhere other than my own home.
The New Year Party was at Sze Yong's house, all the way at the other corner of the island, Tampines. It was weird spending it at his place. His parents were very nice and hospitable, and everything was fine.
something really disturbed me that day. the countdown show. it struck a chord. these people were happily celebrating the end of 2007.
2007, a year of much chaos. global warming makes a louder reality check. locally, the government has implemented a series of interesting plans and budgets that have mostly put life harder than ever. the rat race is amplified, we degrade slowly over the years.
is there anything really to celebrate?
so dark the con of man.
recorded on 1/03/2008 11:11:00 PM
warrior
Wan Zhong Hao aka ashhao
Current affilated to: IJC 0641B (Council)
Was: ATS '01/CHS '05
abilites
literature & drama
geo.
blades
knowledge
peace
love
armor
blue & black
cry
If there was any ability,
that could bring you back to me
I would gladly give up all my powers
for that one moment with you again.
values
Honor
Honesty
Intergrity
Chivarly
unlimited blade works
one of the most powerful form of magic,
caster creates a world entirely out of his imagination,
and has endless power over this realm he creates. also
labelled as sword's graveyard, for the amazing amount of blades
stored here.
