2008/12/19
Moved to lostliterature.wordpress.com
recorded on 12/19/2008 10:32:00 PM
2008/12/07
I've not been free like this for a long time.
I think the last time when there was even a slight tinge of what I call absolute freedom occured back in BMT, during the block leave period.
Its coming to the end of my leave period. Tomorrow I return back to my working position with my employer.
During the past 4 days, have been the better days of my entire past 2 months at least. ( As far as my brain remembers anyway).
Last week, my cousin got married. Seeing and taking part actively in a marriage procedure has re-ignited certain dying embers within the heart. Setting these things aflame now is definitely a bad choice. Still, the sheer trill of being involved with a wedding is indeed refreshing after the deadpan lifestyle with my company.
Back on topic though.
Thursday : Left the gates of the company building. Felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. Dined properly at a good tim sum place at Thomson Plaza. Gamed till the cows came home that night.
Friday : Help Cousin with HC's Prom. More time could and should have been spent with the APG; (as Katerina so aptly named them), touched base with two of my core concerns.
Saturday : Just simply enjoyed the significantly slower pace of life in the morning. Afternoon till night was involved with the awesome Bunk 3. Much talk was made, great day overall.
Sunday : Helped Edmund with his dance troupe. Touched base yet again with another core. Gained 1,900+ pictures to look at. I love my life.
I should be thankful for everything.
Its always a conflict of the serious side of me VS the relaxed side.
sigh.
-confused.
recorded on 12/07/2008 11:28:00 PM
2008/12/06
I feel ridiculously old.
It's a feeling thats difficult to put down in words. In writing at least.
There's a tingle of loss, regret, remorse. The kind that doesn't consume your entire heart, but constantly chews on its edges, making the pain a nagging, relentless one.
It's like being cheated of a good deal.
It's pain in its purest. The very knowledge that it is impossible for me to turn back the clock 389 days to go back to that moment. The moment that happened once and was lost forever.
Still 389 days from that day, I find myself a very different man.
Its an ongoing metamorphsis. A slow evolution. But a change that is happening nevertheless.
Regret makes a person reflect and consider the life choices he made.
It helps a person to grow, and with time, to heal the deep wounds it has inflicted.
What was the word for this feeling again?
Ahh.
Heartache.
-out
recorded on 12/06/2008 10:08:00 AM
