Been such a long time since I updated this blog with a coherent and less cryptic fashion.
Its been a long 2 year course. As the end approaches, many are happy and at the same time afraid of what the world out there has to offer. Junior College, for many, is like a coming of age ritual. This ritual feels vaguely familiar something that I have been through many a times. Perhaps I have immersed myself with the protagonist of many a novel too many a times. The inner conflict that they feel is somewhat easy to identify with, and their various reactions give me a wide range of choices, empowering me to decide for myself which is the best based on the faults of the others.
Yet, at the same time, I am haunted by a verse uttered by Kira Yamato, "This life is yours, yours alone, not HIS!" I sometimes wonder the things I do, the things I say, are they part of other's expectations projected on myself, and I simply carry them out? The many facades that I have been carrying with me, burdens me, and makes every step that I undertake to be a long, painful one.
At the same time, the JC experience has also allowed myself to be more in tune to be a socially acceptable person, and I sometimes wonder if it is really another manifestation of society's expectation of each and every Singaporean. With the increased accumulation of knowledge and development of logical thought, every action by the ruling authorities seem dubious in intent at best. Is this another by-product of education itself?
The opposite gender is yet another issue that has caused much pain and joy at the same time. In fact, I think that my emotional capacity has never been stretched so much in the short span of my life. The mood swings in between periods of elation and depression can occur within days, hours and sometimes even minutes. Some comment that having an emotional range of a teaspoon is really sad, but in retrospect, if one only had the emotional range of a teaspoon, one would suffer much less? Descartes once said that " I think therefore I am", today's taking on this famous quote would be " I suffer therefore I am".
Aside from JC-life, one other important sector of my life for the past 2 years, is a close-knit online community known as BBG. These group of people are probably the best thing that has happened to me in a long long time. Friendship seems to be re-defined by this group of people. The different people from the different walks of life that exist in this guild, the many experiences, from movie trips to community service to birthday parties, is something that I had never experienced with any other group of friends. The time I have used in maintaining the bonds with this group, has yielded rewards beyond my wildest dreams. The feeling of truly being appreciated is beyond the description of words.
Laying on my bed, I reflect alot upon what I have done thus far into my life, struggled with my principles and morals, tried to face up to my dark inner nature and had my fair share of victories and losses. The sense of self-realization is incredible...
recorded on 9/14/2007 11:14:00 PM
warrior
Wan Zhong Hao aka ashhao
Current affilated to: IJC 0641B (Council)
Was: ATS '01/CHS '05
abilites
literature & drama
geo.
blades
knowledge
peace
love
armor
blue & black
cry
If there was any ability,
that could bring you back to me
I would gladly give up all my powers
for that one moment with you again.
values
Honor
Honesty
Intergrity
Chivarly
unlimited blade works
one of the most powerful form of magic,
caster creates a world entirely out of his imagination,
and has endless power over this realm he creates. also
labelled as sword's graveyard, for the amazing amount of blades
stored here.
